Premarital Counseling

So one of the things Brandon and I have had to do to prepare for our upcoming nuptials is premarital counseling. It's something that's required by the Episcopalian church, which is probably a good thing because it's been really beneficial but I don't think we would have done it otherwise.

While we've always been pretty open and honest with each other about future plans and expectations, counseling has provided us with an opportunity to address things we'd never thought much about. For instance, every couple needs to have a healthy fighting style. Some couples hide their emotions under the surface, never fighting with each other at all, while all of the anger and hurt builds like soda in a bottle. Then, when they eventually explode, they assume the relationship is over. Scary!

Brandon and I have never been like that, but counseling has provided us with great ways to communicate through disagreements rather than trying to argue semantics, fight just to win the argument rather than resolve an issue, or to perpetuate our own points of view without listening to the other person.

Our awesome counselor, Reverend Andrew, also asked one important task of us throughout our counseling: He wanted us to read a book on marriage together. He made the point that most people do more research before they buy a car than before they enter into a marriage, because we are raised to believe we all have some sort of innate ability to know how marriages are "supposed" to work. Not necessarily so. Brandon and I spent some time on Amazon.com and picked out this book (The 10 Conversations You Must Have Before Getting Married), which (admittedly) we need to pick up the pace on, but has been a great conversation starter so far. Excellent!

I highly recommend that anyone in a long-term relationship that is headed for marriage try premarital counseling. Even if you don't NEED it, it certainly won't hurt! And hey, you never know what you'll learn about yourself or your fiance.

TTFN!